Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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