i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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