my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
