im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
