woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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