I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
