I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
