Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
