she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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