i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Randomize
