you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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