puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
