dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
