Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are we still banned from the library?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
