In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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