Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
