Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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