yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
