he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
