Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
