Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
