Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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