I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
