A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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