I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
