I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well I can't set my house on fire every night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
