We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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