She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
