You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
