Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
