Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
