its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
