the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
