Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
