I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
