i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
