I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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