I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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