You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
