yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
