dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
