Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
