Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
