Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
