Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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