So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
