Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
