Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you could order shots online.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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