Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
