Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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