tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
